Cancel Culture and King Crab Legs

 

According to Wikipedia, Cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which they thrust someone out of social or professional circles – whether it be on-line, on social media, or in person. 

I grew up in a simpler time. When something was broken, we fixed it, we didn’t throw it away. They taught us to look for the good in people, not the bad - even in those who hurt us. We found peace in an imperfect world by adjusting our expectations to reali. We understood that the world was not created for our pleasure. It is not about us and our satisfaction.

Today, we see statues of great men and women removed from their place of honor because of their association with an unjust cause or because of a flaw in their character. It doesn’t matter if most of their lives were exemplary - one misstep and they must go. We vilify politicians of the other party and search for a piece of their past that can be used to tar them with the stigma of evil. We remove game-show hosts and TV personalities because of an ancient Face Book post. 

People spend too much time looking for the bad in others, when we should be looking for the good.

Several years ago, my company hosted a group of Nationalist Chinese business people at our office in San Diego. Our meeting continued into the evening. As dinner time approached, I asked the leader of the group what kind of food they would require.

“We have eaten only in Chinese restaurants since we have been in the United States,” he responded.

“Would you be open to try something different?” I queried.

“Oh yes,Thank you.”

At my favorite waterfront seafood restaurant, we all sat at a large table. The Chinese government official - a rather large officious lady sat directly across from me. At the recommendation of the group leader, she ordered something she had never had before - Alaskan king crab legs.

The orders came out, and our lady across the table stared down at her plate, and before I could offer some help in how to crack the shell and exhume the delicious meat, she picked up a whole crab leg - shell and all, took a gigantic bite, and began to spit out crab shells while savoring the meat inside. While her approach to eating crab legs was not what we all expected, it worked for her, and we can all learn a valuable lesson.

There are too many people today that spit out the good in others while chewing the bad. 

Our broken political system results from people see only bad in their opponents. They are not willing to accept good ideas from the other side. They are not willing to admit that there is anything good in their political foes.

We need to take a big bite, spit out the bad and enjoy the good. 

When listening to others, look for the truth and throw away the false. 

In Jesus’ parable of the "Wheat and the Tares," a man planted a field of grain and while he slept, his enemy came and sowed tares in the field. When his servants saw the tares, they asked the owner whether they should gather up the tares. The owner replied, “No because when you gather the tares you will also uproot the grain. Let both grow until the harvest, then you can separate them.” [Matthew 13:24-30]

We live in a fallen world, and as a result, life can be difficult. Peace will come only when we discover what God wants us to change and work on and then go do that. 

Success is not canceling those with whom we disagree, nor remaking the world to our liking. 

Happiness comes in finding and celebrating the good not the bad. 

Bill Johnson

Resolve the Conflict in DC

What is the problem?

I try not to watch the evening news anymore! That’s a strange feeling for someone that has been a news junkie all his life. But times have changed. The elephants and donkeys are at war, fiscal conservatives can’t get along with social conservatives, and progressives are fighting moderates. 

I understand that conflict is inevitable but reasonable heads need to deal with it properly. If an organization is going to move forward (or backward) there is bound to be some who object to the direction. Centuries ago Sir Isaak Newton developed basic physical laws of motion. To paraphrase Newton;

“Whenever there is a force on a body that puts it in motion there 

will be an equal and opposite force opposing that motion.”

Friction is the equal and opposite force that opposes moving bodies. Therefore, any individual, organization, business, or church is will encounter serious friction when they begin to move. Friction, in turn, will result in heat - the more movement, the greater the heat.

In any organization, poor leadership can lead to conflict. Over the past half-century, there has been a decided lack skilled leadership in the Whitehouse, Congress, and our political parties. Instead of leaders, we have had politically motivated individuals placed in the top positions.

Good leaders would have confronted conflicts before they reached the impossible stages. But issues have been stuffed and solutions postponed. When major issues are not handled properly and timely we end up with the problems we have today in Washington.

Let’s take a look at how minor conflicts can eventually destroy reasonable discourse. Without intervention, conflict can spin out of control in a downward spiral. At each stage, the conflict gets worse and becomes more difficult to resolve. Therefore conflict needs to be confronted early before it falls into the next stage.

Stage 1. The Remedy Stage. - “Fix the problem”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. Recognition that there is a problem.
2. But there is disagreement on how to solve the problem.
3. Parties want the problem resolved and can make a commitment to solving it
4. There remains a belief that the problem can be solved.
5. There is still honest communication between parties involved.

If the problem is not solved conflict at this stage it will move to stage 2.

Washington has passed this milestone decades ago.

Stage 2.  The Re-Positioning Stage

Characteristics of this stage:

1. The focus is beginning to shift from solving the problem to protecting one’s self.
2. People are nervous.
3. In discussions, they begin to speak in generalizations. “You always are like that.”
4. The level of trust between parties has dropped to “Low.”
5. Now communications is guarded and cautious.

If the problem is not solved in this stage conflict moves on to stage 3. Again, we are past this stage.

Stage 3 Rights Stage - People declare their rights.  -  “I’m right so you must be wrong.”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. Each side believes they are the good person that has the only possible answer to the problem.
2. Each side of the conflict now seek others who agree with them and everyone has to pick which side they are on.
3. People become labeled.  (Carnal Vs Godly) His side or Her side
4.  The solution shifts from resolving the problem to winning.  “Whoever can recruit the biggest team will win.”
5. Communication becomes exaggerated and distorted.

If the problem is not solved at this stage the conflict will move into the “Removal” stage. 

It looks to me we are way past this point.

Stage 4. The Removal Stage  - “Get rid of those people.”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. People are no longer satisfied with getting their own way.  Now they have to get rid of the opposition.
2. The Goal is divorce.
3. Other people are now in respective camps.
4. There is a clear leader in each camp.
5. Trust is now gone.

If the problem is not solved in this stage it will move into the “Revenge” stage. 

Aha! We are getting close!

Stage 5. Revenge  Stage  - “Make someone pay.”

Characteristics of the “Revenge Stage.”

1. People are not satisfied with resignation.
2. People have now become fanatics.
3. The conflict has become a personal God issue.
4. They feel it is immoral to stop fighting.

The conflict has now gone way out of bounds.

It appears to me that the conflicts in our government today are somewhere between Stage 4 and Stage 5. There is still hope if cooler heads can bring the sides together.

Constructive Conflict Management

It is time for someone to step up and take charge and set the tone for resolving the current mess! Use good conflict resolution methods! 

• Agree on a time and place to talk it out.
• Assertively, honestly express your feelings
• Depersonalize. Focus on the problem, not on the person
• Select a neutral referee
• Develop a positive mature attitude
• When something goes wrong, search for a solution.
• Focus on specifics and simplify the situation.
• Be open and available
• When problems arise, work them out.
• Listen, wait and learn
• Forgive and forget

Please forgive my shamful plug [see below] for my latest book, but the book was inspired by the present political climate in Washington. 

Check out my new book, "Conflict Resolution for Dummies."http://www.aslanpress.com/conflict-resolution.html

Bill Johnson