Resolve the Conflict in DC

What is the problem?

I try not to watch the evening news anymore! That’s a strange feeling for someone that has been a news junkie all his life. But times have changed. The elephants and donkeys are at war, fiscal conservatives can’t get along with social conservatives, and progressives are fighting moderates. 

I understand that conflict is inevitable but reasonable heads need to deal with it properly. If an organization is going to move forward (or backward) there is bound to be some who object to the direction. Centuries ago Sir Isaak Newton developed basic physical laws of motion. To paraphrase Newton;

“Whenever there is a force on a body that puts it in motion there 

will be an equal and opposite force opposing that motion.”

Friction is the equal and opposite force that opposes moving bodies. Therefore, any individual, organization, business, or church is will encounter serious friction when they begin to move. Friction, in turn, will result in heat - the more movement, the greater the heat.

In any organization, poor leadership can lead to conflict. Over the past half-century, there has been a decided lack skilled leadership in the Whitehouse, Congress, and our political parties. Instead of leaders, we have had politically motivated individuals placed in the top positions.

Good leaders would have confronted conflicts before they reached the impossible stages. But issues have been stuffed and solutions postponed. When major issues are not handled properly and timely we end up with the problems we have today in Washington.

Let’s take a look at how minor conflicts can eventually destroy reasonable discourse. Without intervention, conflict can spin out of control in a downward spiral. At each stage, the conflict gets worse and becomes more difficult to resolve. Therefore conflict needs to be confronted early before it falls into the next stage.

Stage 1. The Remedy Stage. - “Fix the problem”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. Recognition that there is a problem.
2. But there is disagreement on how to solve the problem.
3. Parties want the problem resolved and can make a commitment to solving it
4. There remains a belief that the problem can be solved.
5. There is still honest communication between parties involved.

If the problem is not solved conflict at this stage it will move to stage 2.

Washington has passed this milestone decades ago.

Stage 2.  The Re-Positioning Stage

Characteristics of this stage:

1. The focus is beginning to shift from solving the problem to protecting one’s self.
2. People are nervous.
3. In discussions, they begin to speak in generalizations. “You always are like that.”
4. The level of trust between parties has dropped to “Low.”
5. Now communications is guarded and cautious.

If the problem is not solved in this stage conflict moves on to stage 3. Again, we are past this stage.

Stage 3 Rights Stage - People declare their rights.  -  “I’m right so you must be wrong.”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. Each side believes they are the good person that has the only possible answer to the problem.
2. Each side of the conflict now seek others who agree with them and everyone has to pick which side they are on.
3. People become labeled.  (Carnal Vs Godly) His side or Her side
4.  The solution shifts from resolving the problem to winning.  “Whoever can recruit the biggest team will win.”
5. Communication becomes exaggerated and distorted.

If the problem is not solved at this stage the conflict will move into the “Removal” stage. 

It looks to me we are way past this point.

Stage 4. The Removal Stage  - “Get rid of those people.”

Characteristics of this stage:

1. People are no longer satisfied with getting their own way.  Now they have to get rid of the opposition.
2. The Goal is divorce.
3. Other people are now in respective camps.
4. There is a clear leader in each camp.
5. Trust is now gone.

If the problem is not solved in this stage it will move into the “Revenge” stage. 

Aha! We are getting close!

Stage 5. Revenge  Stage  - “Make someone pay.”

Characteristics of the “Revenge Stage.”

1. People are not satisfied with resignation.
2. People have now become fanatics.
3. The conflict has become a personal God issue.
4. They feel it is immoral to stop fighting.

The conflict has now gone way out of bounds.

It appears to me that the conflicts in our government today are somewhere between Stage 4 and Stage 5. There is still hope if cooler heads can bring the sides together.

Constructive Conflict Management

It is time for someone to step up and take charge and set the tone for resolving the current mess! Use good conflict resolution methods! 

• Agree on a time and place to talk it out.
• Assertively, honestly express your feelings
• Depersonalize. Focus on the problem, not on the person
• Select a neutral referee
• Develop a positive mature attitude
• When something goes wrong, search for a solution.
• Focus on specifics and simplify the situation.
• Be open and available
• When problems arise, work them out.
• Listen, wait and learn
• Forgive and forget

Please forgive my shamful plug [see below] for my latest book, but the book was inspired by the present political climate in Washington. 

Check out my new book, "Conflict Resolution for Dummies."http://www.aslanpress.com/conflict-resolution.html

Bill Johnson

Where have all the leaders gone?

Where have all the leaders gone, long time passing?

Where have all the leaders gone, long time ago?
Where have all the leaders gone?
Young folks pick them, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

[apologies to Pete Seeger]

Leadership is a lost art today. Where did it go? Our leaders have morphed into managers. Rather than defeat terrorists, we manage them. Rather than lead a nation we manage a nation. Rather than Generals leading their troops, they manage a war.

In ancient days, kings went out in front of their armies as the battle was joined.  In front of their men they got a clear view of the goal and a feel for the cost of victory. In that position, they would be vulnerable to the slings and arrows of the opposing forces. The soldiers loved it because their hero and leader was by their side. They readily followed their leader. Of course there was a huge risk to the king, but a triumphant victory was worth taking the risk. For the leader, the material rewards of gold and land were valuable, but the intrinsic reward of personal achievement was even more important.

As time passed, kings began to believe survival was more important than material rewards and personal satisfaction. So they became managers and sent others in their place. Generals now led the troops into battle and gained self actualization. But soon the generals decided it would be safer to manage and survive. And so it went.

Leadership, throughout history, has been a risky business. Leaders stand out. They have a big target on their back. You do not have to guess who are leaders, they are the ones others are following. You can repeatedly say you are a leader, but if you look behind you and there is no one to be seen, you are not leading. Leading from behind is not leading, it is at best managing, or just following.

While living on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, we went crabbing on the local pier. A smelly chicken wing in an old crab pot would trap a few crabs in about ten minutes. The catch was put into a bucket as we dropped the baited pot for another load. A lid on the crab bucket was not necessary. When you have more than one crab in the bucket, the crabs won’t escape. If one tries to crawl out of the bucket, the others reach up with their claws and pull him back into the bucket. Crabs will always pull others down to their level. Eventually the brave crabs will forget their desire to climb above the other crabs and settle down and “just get along,” and be ordinary.

Most people give up after the crabs keep pulling them down to their level and we learn to live with mediocrity. We play it safe and try to manage instead of leading. Leadership becomes a bad thing.

The transition from leading to managing has impacted our entire society. In business managers today's bottom line becomes an idol, reducing long term planning and research and development. As a result our nations creativity has fallen victim to the managers. Quality has been replaced by quantity and shoddy products. Just do enough to get by. In our schools grades become less important because someone might try to lead and get a higher rank over another. In kids sports, everyone gets a trophy whether they were deserving or not. 

Mediocrity has taken over and is greatly over-rated. In giving everyone extrinsic rewards, we have done away with the intrinsic motivators of autonomy, mastering a skill, and/or getting a hard earned  victory. 

In the political arena the emphasis is no longer on individual leadership but on keeping the party in power. Leaders are pulled down to the common level by the rest of the crabs in the bucket. We become Borglike and as we are assimilated.

Presidents and kings today, sitting in their war rooms push a button and a drone attacks. How can the highest official do anything but manage. He cannot feel the heat of battle, he no longer knows his troops, he no longer takes personal risks. And at the end of the battle, he can not take any pride at personal accomplishment.

I do not propose that presidents pick up rifles and lead the troops into battle. What I do propose is that we begin to encourage individual initiative, creative leadership, and a purpose beyond ourselves. Encourage people to take risks. The rewards are still out there.